When Friends Are Missing (and Missed)…

I think I lost a friend.

Oh, at first I thought I might have just misplaced her– I’m really so forgetful these days. So I looked in all the usual places.

I looked behind the curtains and in my email inbox. I looked in the plastic storage box where I keep my ‘important’ papers. I looked in the eyes of the shoe salesman at Nordstrom and the Starbucks barista. I looked in my cell phone contacts and in the inside zipper compartment of my purse. I looked in all these places, but my friend wasn’t to be found.

I’m not thinking hard enough, I told myself. I have to look some more.

I walked along a trail and looked into the birds’ songs. I traipsed through alleyways and looked in the rain puddles. I looked in the glossy black fur of tiny sausage-shaped dogs. I looked inside a gust of wind left in the wake of a speeding foreign sports car.

I looked in all these places, and still there was no sign of my friend.

Well, no matter, I thought, when my search came to an end. The wealth of friends and family has made me the Queen of Sheba. I can reach into my treasure chest to replace the one I lost.

But I couldn’t find the perfect replacement for my missing friend. One who can laugh while she cries or cry while she laughs. One who keeps me on the edge of my seat while my brain works overtime to decipher the mysterious nuances of her half-finished sentences. One who drips with so much style I feel like Little Orphan Annie in her presence. One who sees excitement and adventure even in the mundane.

There were no replacements for her inside the treasure chest. And there were no replacements for the others who were still there.

I have a feeling that one day, my hand will reach under the cushion of the sofa and, just like the missing key chain, she will be there. Or I’ll strike a piano key and, upon hearing a false note, I’ll lift the top only to find her perched alongside the missing cell phone.

I have a feeling which I know to be true.

***

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My very own Christmas story…

It’s Christmas day and the sun shines boldly above a thin veil of haze.  I walk the streets of my neighborhood and quiet rules the day.  No cars, no familiar faces… not even a mouse.

Just yesterday tempers were still frayed as cars engaged in parking space battle and last-minute shoppers foraged for last-minute bargains.  But today all of that’s behind us.  With no stores to tempt us, not much in the way of television, radio or even internet to whisper in our ear, we have this one blessed day before the noise starts up again.

When I was young, Christmas was a serene event.  My mother kept the focus on the message behind the day.  Presents were modest except for the year I got my sleek black Raleigh bicycle which was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was a day when my mother had her wish for the whole family to attend church together.

As I got older and my religious and spiritual beliefs became more complicated, more unknowable and more shrouded in multi layers of gray, Christmas took on many different forms.  Sometimes it was just an afternoon at the movies.  When my kids were young it became a toy fest.  Slowly it turned into a day I tried to avoid.  The noise became louder and louder until I only wanted to turn it down.  Or turn it off.  And sometimes I did.

Scholars will say that December 25 is not the birth date of Christ since shepherds would be unlikely to be in the field during this very cold time of the year.  Nor would it be a particularly opportune time of the year for a woman in the late stages of pregnancy to make the arduous 70 mile trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem.  Instead, the date probably has more to do with pagan rituals tied to the winter solstice.

But this is a small concern since the actual date is only symbolic in nature.

So what is Christmas to me now?

To me, the essence of Christmas is memories of family past and the company of family present.  It is beautiful lights and familiar smells and well wishes towards our fellow man.  It is exemplified by the Christmas Truce of 1914 when soldiers on both sides of the war spontaneously lay down their arms and recognized the humanity of their enemy, if only for a day.  Pity they didn’t permanently abandon their trenches and return home to their families and communities.  More tragic still that only decades later a twisted madman was able to distort the story of the Prince of Peace for the purpose of murdering millions more.

I suspect that, even for atheists and non-Christians, Christmas brings us to a full stop every year before  we have to step on the accelerator once again.  It causes me to pause and examine my life.  How will I spend the rest of my time here on earth?  How can I infuse meaning into every moment?  How can I make a difference, no matter how small?

On this day, the lights go on and the noise switches off.

It could happen any day.

…..

Posted in Christmas, war | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Watch Out, the World is Changing…

If you keep your eyes and ears open, occasionally you’ll be in the right place at the right time to watch the world change.  Sometimes it will be obvious and at other times you’ll only realize it years later and wonder how you missed it when it happened.  The shift in racial and sexual equality was obvious to me in the 1960’s.  The fall of the Iron Curtain and its resulting pro-democracy movements were obvious to me in the 1980’s.

But the true meaning of the change that I was immersed in for 12 years beginning in 1976, escaped my notice altogether until years later when I had time to ponder its significance.

I was living in Berkeley and in need of a job.  My best friend and roommate pulled some strings and before I knew it, I was working for the much-despised Bank of America.

And although we were a unique group of young, hip Berkeley employees, we worked for an institution which was symbolic of the times.  Still very much a reflection of our parents’ generation, the man in the gray flannel suit would have felt right at home.

The unspoken understanding was that if you were white, male and patient, and didn’t do anything to embarrass yourself or the bank, you would receive regular promotions and eventually be rewarded with a branch managership.  After that, the women would take care of running things and you could attend the requisite “business development” two-martini lunches until it was time to retire.  Simple.
The rules were the rules and there was not much need to think outside the box.

My first indication of change was when a new manager arrived at our branch.  Yes, he was white and yes he was male, but he was young and sort of Kennedy-esque.

One day a customer wanted to buy only part of a bundle of Japanese yen that another customer had sold us earlier that same day.

“Can’t do it,”  I said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“You have to buy the whole bundle,” I said.

“I want to talk to your manager,” he said.

“Why can’t we do this?” my manager asked me.

“Because I was told we couldn’t,” I replied.

“Do it,” my manager said.

The customer smirked and I learned two important lessons that day.  Question the logic behind everything you do and always be open to change.

From then on, things started to change quickly.  The defined benefit pension plan that we so dearly treasured was scrapped.  In its place came the 401k plan.  What this meant in the real world was that we could no longer count on a retirement annuity of X dollars per month.  We had stepped into the territory of the unknowable.  We were now expected to contribute to our retirement plan and we were expected to share in the bank’s investment risk.  We might do really well in our retirement… and we might not.

Then came the layoffs and the first to be laid off were the middle management white men who could hardly believe that the sacred trust, the unspoken agreement which allowed them to sleep easy at night had been invalidated.  Just like that.

When financial regulatory walls came tumbling down, I saw the writing on the wall and entered a credit training program.  When that didn’t seem to be enough, I tried to make myself more valuable to the bank by becoming a Certified Financial Planner.  And still the changes kept coming.

We went from an institution of checking and passbook savings accounts to money market accounts and beyond.
We went from car loans and carefully plotted mortgages to unsecured lines of credit and badgering appraisers in our quest to make more and more loans.  To help us be more productive we got FAX machines, email and Lotus 1-2-3.

And soon we realized that we weren’t bankers anymore, we were sales people.  And if we weren’t, we’d better get out of the way because this was the future.  A sales person could be easily trained as to the ‘ins and outs’ of banking specifics but a banker could only be trained to the extent that her personality could take her in the art of selling.  No sooner was the bar set, then it was raised again.

I learned two things about myself during this time– I was pretty good at sales….and I hated selling.

Since the bank was looking for attrition, nobody shed a tear when I left in 1988, except maybe me.  My long-term love/hate relationship with the employer where I had grown up came to an end.  I received a pen and pencil set and, I think about 3 months salary.

Good bye to an era.  I would take my chances with my husband as he established his own business.

Now I look back and realize this was where the middle class was heading.  We were becoming an endangered species nearly 25 years before the rest of the country would face the same changes.  Bank of America and other corporations like it were only on the cutting edge, that’s all.  They were visionaries in their own sad way.

About 5 years ago Thomas Friedman told us that the world was flat and we applauded him.  That is until we came to recognize what a flat world really meant for America.  While I was coming to grips with a world that was changing so quickly around me it made my head spin, many lower-income folks in the BRIC countries (Brazil, Russia, India and China) were coming to terms with new possibilities that never existed for their parents.

As children they might have imagined they would live within the same dome of financial hopelessness that constrained their parents and grandparents before them.

When they saw a door with the sign that said “This Way to the Middle Class”, they pushed the door open and walked through to the other side.  And why not?  What consensus ever existed in the world community that determined America should stay on top to the detriment of all others?  This was their time now.

35 years ago I was a young woman sitting on a giant seesaw staring down the long plank at a Chinese woman about my age sitting on the other end.  She was holding a 50 pound sack of sand and was weighted to the ground.  I was high in the sky enjoying the view from my lofty position, my legs waggling freely in the air.  And then one day she divided her sandbag and handed half of it to me.

In this great upheaval, nobody is safe and nothing can be taken for granted.

The only certainty is that change is here to stay.

***

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Sleeplessness

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep which is not at all an uncommon event.

It wasn’t always that way.  When I was younger I slept with no awareness of the world around me.  I slept so soundly that my dreams were long played out and already forgotten by the time I woke.  Twelve hours on a weekend was not unusual for me when I was younger.

Close to thirty years ago crying newborn babies began to wake me at regular intervals during the night.  Later they transformed into little children with bad dreams or nighttime stomach aches.  By the time they had grown out of being novice teenage drivers with a world of dangers waiting at every traffic light, my brain had forgotten how to sleep.  Or at least it had trained itself to rouse me at the slightest noise or mildest provocation… a random thought for instance.

So last night when I couldn’t sleep it was not a surprise.  My shoulder ached on this side.  My hip ached on that side.  Did I turn the oven off?  Did I turn the dishwasher on?  What happened after the movie credits rolled last night?  Did the characters ever find their way to Oregon?

And so on.

But I would lie here in the dark with my thoughts.  At least my body is resting, I reasoned.

The sudden mildly stinging sensation in the corner of my eye brought my hand instinctively to my face.  And in that reflexive motion, I realized that I was holding onto something warm and wiggly– a very small man, no bigger than my thumb, lilac in color with a tiny golden messenger bag slung across his shoulder.

I held him firmly but carefully, not wishing to cause him any harm.  His gossamer wings were beating wildly so I tucked them down into my palm to keep them safe.

“So this is what gossamer wings look like,”  I marveled.  “I never knew that the Sandman could fly.”

His large dark eyes looked up at me pleadingly and I felt a twinge of regret.  His tiny heart was visibly pounding underneath the surface of his translucent flesh.  His fragile body trembled so violently that it set my hand to vibrating.

I looked over at my husband who was soundly sleeping.  I couldn’t bear to wake him.

“But just imagine his surprise when he sees what I’ve caught,”  I reasoned.

“Please,” I whispered to the little man. “Just until tomorrow morning, and then I promise I’ll let you go.”

He looked defeated and demoralized.  He knew what this meant and so did I.  A lot of people would go without sleep tonight.

Still… how many opportunities will a person have in a lifetime to hold magic in her hands?

The next morning I woke with a start.  My hand was curled in a loose fist that had opened like a blossoming rose in the middle of the night.  Random sprinkles of golden powder glittered on my knuckles, spilled from his bag as he had worked his way loose.

In the end I was left with just my shame and a lingering question.

Would he forgive me my trespass against him?  Or would I be condemned to a lifetime of sleeplessness for that one selfish act?

Posted in fantasy, insomnia, Sandman | 1 Comment

If you could turn back time…

If you could live in 1850 on $30,000 a year or live in 2011 on $30,000 a year, which one would you choose?  $30,000 a year in 1850 would make you a very wealthy person able to afford the best care, the best housing and the finest material possessions.

That was the question.

Out of the six of us, the three women chose 1850 and the three men chose the present day.  But the interesting part was that the women didn’t make the choice for the wealth it would bring us, but rather for something unnamable that seemed to be missing in our present day lives.  Something that we thought—or hoped—we could discover in the past.  The men were unwilling to give up the luxury of technology, the advances in medicine, the convenience of modern-day travel and communication.

I’ve always been subject to this golden era thinking—a syndrome I never put a name to until I saw Woody Allen’s “Midnight in Paris”.  It explains my passion for history from a very young age, my desire whenever I travel to a new place to read a book about its past before I even have time to appreciate its present.

In my mind I erase the buildings and houses from the landscape and visualize grizzly bears roaming the hills and stagecoaches traversing the deeply rutted dirt roads where no CalTrans was on the scene to smooth out the journey.

Like David Bowie in “The Man Who Fell to Earth” I fantasize that I can look out the window of my speeding car and see the frontier pioneers looking back at me and wondering what it was that they just saw.

“You’re not made of stern enough stuff,” my husband will say and be correct in saying so because I’m not a terribly resourceful person.

“But I’m just a product of my age,” I remind myself.

I am pragmatic enough to realize that, just like Owen Wilson’s character discovers in “Midnight in Paris”, the grass always looks greener from the other side.  But it doesn’t stop my dreaming—almost longing— and makes me wonder about the possibility of reincarnation.  I also realize that I’m in danger of missing the moment playing out right in front of me that some future generation will look back upon in wonder.

Then what is it that makes us golden age thinkers yearn for some past era?  In my case there are two eras that I feel strongly connected to…both of them times of major upheaval.

There is, of course, the desire for lost innocence that I naively imagine to have existed even as I know that there was never an age of innocence.

There’s a matter of surprise which seems to be lacking in the present day.  Everything is known.  The world has been examined and reexamined.  The frontiers now lie in outer space.  The surprises that do come are so technically oriented that they lie beyond my comprehension.

And then there’s the matter of living in the collective consciousness of dramatic and meaningful change.

I lived in such an era as a teenager.  A great societal shift fractured forever the rules as we knew them and, like the Japanese earthquake, seemed to permanently alter the axis of the earth. Even the music of the 1960s has more urgency to many in my children’s generation than the music of their own generation.

Then the 1970s arrived and with it came disco and by the time the 1980s arrived and the wall came down, the world pushed the snooze button.

Only the scientists remained to shake us from our slumber.  They continued to break down walls and change the world while the rest of us observed and applauded.

Every once in a while I come across a book where every sentence creates a sense of awe in me but also makes me despair for the talent that I could never match.  Radcyffe Hall’s “The Well of Loneliness” is such a novel.

A group of women who volunteered as ambulance drivers on the battlefronts of WWI are now faced with the end of the war and a return to normalcy.

“…a mighty event had slipped into the past, had gone from them into the realms of history—something terrible yet splendid, a oneness with life in its titanic struggle against death.  Not a woman of them all but felt vaguely regretful in spite of the infinite blessing of peace, for none could know what the future might hold of trivial days filled with trivial actions.  Great wars will be followed by great discontents– the pruning knife has been laid to the tree, and the urge to grow throbs through its mutilated branches.”

Posted in David Bowie, Midnight in Paris, the sixties, Woody Allen | 1 Comment

The Gift

It was a day so hot and close that only children could function at full capacity.  This was the farm where my father had lived as a boy.  It was difficult to imagine the formal older man roaming these hills and playing in this creek.  Difficult to picture him coming in from a hard day of work and play to eat a slab of bread coated with apple butter and cottage cheese, a meal later dubbed the “when-daddy-was-a-little-boy” sandwich.  I tried to visualize him at the kitchen table, his upper lip sporting a happy young child’s buttermilk moustache instead of the patch of hair that grew there now. Tried to put myself in the mind of the boy, about my age, who listened to the mournful cricket song on a warm September night while his mother lay dying.

Look around!  It was a landscape filled with wonder and possibilities that I could only imagine.  The old metal pump which had served its masters so well over the decades before water ran from kitchen faucets, stood forlornly in the yard, its usefulness now relegated to a quaint reminder of days gone by.

I pumped it vigorously up and down, up and down until my arm ached.  When the cool water defied gravity to spill out onto the earth I grabbed the dented tin cup and filled it.  The water was cold but tasted like the metals of the underworld and the rust of ancient pipes.  I took a few sips and splashed the rest on my face.

My sister found me at the pump.

“Come with me. I have a surprise.”

I followed her to the barn which was devoid of animals now but cool and filled with the clean smell of hay.

“Up here,” she said. “Don’t tell Mom or Dad.”

I looked skeptically at the ladder which led high up to a loft.  But my brave sister who was fearless and had a nose for adventure wouldn’t lead me astray so I cautiously ascended the ladder, following her lead.

From the top I could see wide gaps in the floor of the loft. Chasms that loomed like the Grand Canyon before my timid eyes.

“Be careful, we’re almost there.”

She reached under the straw at the base of a supporting beam and pulled out an egg, pearly white and flawless in shape.

“Where did it come from?” I was surprised since there were no chickens in sight.

“It’s a trick egg. They put it underneath the chickens to trick them into laying.”

This seemed miraculous to me.  A chicken would wake to find this magical egg in her nest.

“I did it!” she would exclaim. “If I did it once I can do it again.”

“Can I hold it?”  I asked.

She handed it to me and when I had satisfied my curiosity she carefully replaced it underneath the straw.

The gaps in the floor showed the ominous depths to which I would plunge in the event of a misstep.  My nerve was running out.

“I’m going back to the house,” I said.

Carefully making my way down the ladder, hands tightly clutching the rails, I heard my sister’s voice.

“Remember, don’t tell anyone.”  She lay on her stomach high above me, her head and arms dangling over the edge of the loft as she watched me leave.

I walked inside the old house, a home built at a time when houses spoke and moved and breathed and had stories to tell unlike the mute structures of today.  This house was new when its brother houses 150 miles away were being turned into makeshift hospitals where the groans of dying Union and Confederate soldiers could be heard for days if not weeks.

My mother noticed me and called me into a room.  She shut the door behind us.

“I have something for you,” she said.  And then I remembered it was my birthday.  I’d nearly forgotten.

A matching brush and mirror framed in glittering pink plastic.  And a bag of Hershey’s Kisses.

“Happy Birthday,” she said with a smile and a kiss… a real one.

When she was gone, I sat on a chair and unfolded the shiny silver foil from a Kiss. I put it in my mouth and tasted its chocolate-y delight. I tentatively held the mirror with my left hand and took a few practice strokes with the brush. But it was too nice really. I didn’t want to sully it with loose hairs so I set it down carefully on the dresser beside its mirror mate.

Then, unable to get the magic egg out of my mind, I stuffed a few extra Kisses in my pocket and went off in search of my sister.

Posted in childhood, farm, Gettysburg, Luthersburg, sister | 7 Comments

The Sound of Music

A giant finger reaches from the sky and plucks the golden string that sets into motion the rhythm of the city from ocean to bay.

Music spills from the doorways of windowless clubs where unknown bands sweat in obscurity.   Elsewhere in the city, six hundred people float upon the jazz guitarist’s plush and intoxicating tunes.  At a bluegrass festival in the park, friends congregate under a floating orange orb ready to live out once again the blissful spirit and sounds of their younger years.  The bass beats from an idling car deliver painful sound waves that feel like marbles dropping on my eardrums.  Silent melodies declare themselves in the movements of roving young men who drift down sidewalks, wires sprouting from their ears.

In this weekend of music my husband and I find ourselves in the symphony hall thanks to the generosity of a man who infused the symphonic beat into the souls of my sons, using every tool at his disposal from the tiny tinkling triangle to the mighty marimba.

Unlike many of the others who are also there, for the first time I’m about to see the man who is often referred to only by his initials.

We come dressed in jeans and tuxedos.  We are old and young.  We are nimble and we are crippled.  The throng moves slowly through the doors and up the stairs.  I slip off to join the seemingly endless line for the ladies’ restroom where biology and Mahler’s absolute demand for our undivided attention sends us scurrying.  A few moments later my cell phone vibrates.  Abandon the line, my husband warns.  The lights are dimming.

He walks onto the stage like the celebrity he is, elegant and silver-haired, a man whom one could imagine in the salons of Versailles.  Certainly if you saw him at your local Starbucks you would take a second look and say to yourself, this man must be someone.

He sets into motion the celebration of life that is Mahler’s third symphony.

With his wisp of a baton he could be carving the wing of a butterfly on an ice statue.  At other times he appears to paint a canvas of life with the colorful notes of his open hand.  When his arms reach skywards, face tilted up, eyes closed, he looks like a man who has been touched by divine inspiration.

The music grows and swirls and growls and whispers.  I imagine the orchestra to be a corporeal being.  The percussion is the heart, the strings become the nervous system, the brass is the tendon and muscle, the woodwinds are the skeleton.  The man with three initials is the mind that integrates and directs the movements of all.  No one part can function without the others.

Surely we should wrap the feet of these men and women in silk so they never touch the ground– they who hear and deliver the notes to the rest of us.  It seems impossible that they will go home to ordinary lives and routines.

Music is what our higher selves aspire to and what our most base selves descend to.  It is our release from boredom and suffering and our means of expressing joy.

Well into Mahler’s Symphony No. 3 come the lyrics from Friedrich Nietzsche, famed German philosopher and poet.

Deep is the pain!                                                                                                                                                                                                              Joy deeper still than heart’s sorrow!                                                                                                                                                                           Pain says: Vanish!                                                                                                                                                                                                        Yet all joy aspires to eternity…

Our day in the city has come to a close.  We return home to live out the rhythm of our own lives.  We play it by ear and, on occasion, we’re out of step.  The pain is sometimes deep, the joy is even deeper.

Music is joy.  Music is eternal.

Posted in Mahler, Michael Tilson Thomas, Music, Nietzsche, Pat Metheny, Symphony | 3 Comments

Green is Blue

Imagine if everything you believed in was suddenly turned upside down.

If green was now blue or an elephant was now a marsupial that might not matter too much to you. If a tomato could feel pain or a house cat could spit poison, you probably would change certain behaviors.

But what if you were an atheist and someone could prove the reality of God? Or conversely, suppose you had a deep conviction in God’s existence and someone could prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that your belief was false?

What would happen to you? Would you adapt and carry on or would you be sucked into a black hole of anguish? Would you be excited by this new knowledge or would you despair at its implications?

Such a thing may just have happened.

Tiny particles called neutrinos raced against light beams from Switzerland to Italy and guess what? The neutrinos won by 60 billionths of a second. More on that later.

Even as I struggled in college science courses I was drawn to physics. It appeared to me to be the “religion of all sciences” in its ability to break down the overwhelming nature of the universe and deliver it to us mere mortals in concepts we could grapple with,

It was elegant in the harmonious balance it struck for me. Even my own body was a universe of sorts, with every cell becoming its own universe in turn.

If there was a high priest, it was Albert Einstein, a man so profoundly intelligent his name became synonymous with intelligence itself.

“You’re no Einstein,” might be used in the same derogatory fashion as “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out.”

This man who couldn’t keep his own life straight; who seems to have mysteriously “lost” a daughter; who abandoned a schizophrenic son when he emigrated to the United States with his second wife who was also his first cousin—this man gave us a theory upon which many of our assumptions about the universe have been based for the past hundred years. And that theory told us, among other things, that nothing could travel faster than light itself.

Back to the neutrinos… the author of this startling new discovery was recently quoted as saying, “the consequences can be very serious”. He invites other scientists to do their own testing in order to verify his shocking results.

My scientist son tells me “if true, this would put into doubt the framework upon which much of current theoretical physics is built.”

But what about the rest of us? How does this affect us?

Well for one thing, time travel becomes an intriguing theoretical possibility.

But beyond that, the world will still revolve around the sun and we’ll continue to have night and day, and things will still fall when you drop them, and when you crash your car into a tree going 90 mph the impact will probably still kill you.

The neutrinos have proven that the universe will never fully reveal its secrets to us mere mortals.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure that out.

Posted in Einstein, physics, speed of light, time travel | 5 Comments

A Second Chance

Indian summer is here and it feels like a second chance. A blanket of heat has settled over the land and lowered the oxygen level for those existing under its canopy. I move more slowly to conserve energy for it isn’t the same summer heat that stirs the passion of youth.

Wikipedia tells me that every culture has a name for it. In Hungary it’s referred to as “old ladies’ summer” in honor of the white spiders which make their appearance in the early fall and are linked through folklore to witches and crones. My favorite is the Chinese “tiger in autumn” for this is no gentle season although it disguises itself as such.
This is a time of transition and it’s during transition when we are most alive.

Deer roam the hills desperate for anything green, taking risks that they wouldn’t have taken only weeks ago.

Crickets chirp louder as though they must try harder in order to be heard through the thickness of the air.

The nights are quiet and still. Skies are clear and speckled with glittering stars. Coyotes yip harmoniously on distant hills.
Air conditioners drone on through the night.

My husband’s beloved garden still churns out tomatoes, though more and more frequently they mutate into odd twisted shapes. He has jealously guarded this plot of land throughout the summer in a manner worthy of Mr. McGregor, but now he allows a mother cottontail to lead her baby into its tangled overgrowth.  Moles are moving in, he says in a resigned voice.  Mother Nature arrives to reclaim what’s hers.

I feel restless and slightly off balance and yet the heaviness of the sun turns my restlessness inward to self reflection. I want to hang onto what’s behind me but my grip is weakening and I’m being propelled forward.

“Enjoy it,” a voice is telling me. “Savor every moment but prepare for what’s next.”

It occurs to me that I’m in the Indian summer of my life. And for now that feels like the perfect place to be.

Posted in Indian Summer, Witchcraft | 7 Comments

Falling in love again…

SHE arrived in New York from her native Afghanistan 30 years ago, leaving behind a country scarred by colonialism, tribal lords and fundamentalists for whom religion became a vessel of hatred. Armed only with an unbeaten spirit, she met and married the man who would become her rock in her newly adopted homeland.  A savvy and visionary mother-in-law convinced her to match her remarkable cooking abilities with what must surely arrive in the future… an American desire to learn more about this newly arrived immigrant community through their cuisine.

Fast forward to 2011 when bolani’s can be found at any Whole Foods and Costco.  The sales rep you speak to in Costco who “promises to change your life” with “just one taste” is most likely one of her sons, or one of their friends.  Business is so good that another factory is opening in Los Angeles.

When my husband asked a son “What sport did you play in high school?” he got a bemused but good-natured response.

“We didn’t have time for sports in school.”

Every weekend, this small family split up to cover all the local farmers’ markets, spreading the word and selling their wares.  When they weren’t at the farmers’ markets, they were helping with preparation.

She could certainly afford to take it a little bit easier but that’s not in her nature and that’s not how she got to where she is today.  She walks with a little difficulty caused by bad knees from years of being on her feet.  She has adopted two more sons to add to her already large family.  Her generosity to neighbors is amazing as we discovered early one morning after her 24-hour shift at the factory. She arrived in pajamas bearing mountains of food for a party she couldn’t attend out of sheer exhaustion.

HE was born in a town in southern China and separated from his family at the age of eleven when he was sent to live in a big city for reasons his young mind could not comprehend.  Misery hounded him until his high school years when a teacher finally broke through and helped him discover his life’s purpose.
Putting aside all thoughts of self-pity, he worked his way to the University of Hawaii where he eventually earned advanced degrees in social work. He knew that his life’s work must somehow be funded and so he took a chance and launched the Prince of Peace Enterprises with all the savings he had.

Today,  Prince of Peace is headquartered in the San Francisco Bay Area with offices in New York and Los Angeles.  Their top products include Tiger Balm and Prince of Peace chocolates, teas, ginseng, soap, honey and more.

But business is just a means to an end and, true to the epiphany he had in high school he uses his profits to benefit American and Chinese society. An example is an orphanage he established and funds in mainland China, the only one allowed by the Chinese government to be staffed and run by United States citizens.   It provides full time care for over a hundred mentally and physically disabled children under the age of six as well as rehabilitation services for other abandoned and disabled children.  The facility and its professional care is all state of the art.

He works on a 24 hour clock and appears to require very little sleep.  When you catch him on a walk, the smile on his face convinces you that if there is a secret to life, he has discovered it.

THEY came to the United States from India to attend college and never looked back.  Brilliant and unafraid of hard work, they looked about and wondered at the possibilities in this new land.  It was only a matter for them to chart their direction and their destination.  They knew how to take care of the rest of it.

A growing business in a field which I don’t understand (telecommunications software?) has them opening a new office in a new state and hiring new employees from all over these United States.  This is in addition to their already existing offices in the Bay Area.

An evening spent with them, husband and wife, promises to be intellectually stimulating and entertaining.  Don’t expect to be let off the hook with a simple answer to a soul-searching question, but be prepared to laugh for they brought their rich senses of humor with them when they left their native India.

A comment romanticizing multi-generational living in India will bring an admonishment from them.

“We lived like that because we couldn’t afford to live otherwise.  Nothing romantic about it.”

She, he and they all came from ancient empires, cultures already antique when George Washington was chopping down his cherry tree.  While our nation is floundering economically, she, he and they are putting hundreds of Americans to work.

And, like the rest of us, they have incorporated their own personal stories into the skills and contributions to our country as a greater whole.  But they still have the love in their eyes when they speak…the love of this great country that they chose to be their home.

We all have the blood of the adventurer coursing through our veins. Even the Native Americans had to make the choice of crossing the Bering Strait land bridge if scientists are to be believed.  But I think that many of us have forgotten what my neighbors know so well.

In the course of a long marriage when two partners become so accustomed to the other that they find themselves taking that special relationship for granted, they can always reach for their memories to appreciate why they fell in love so many years ago.

Those of us who are not first generation immigrants don’t have that ability to remember why we fell in love with this country and what strong magnet drew us to its shores.

So talk to an immigrant and listen to her tales.  With that, I promise that you will fall in love again.

Posted in Immigrant, Jobs, Patriotism | 6 Comments